On another note...

My eldest is possessed, and I need an exorcist. I'm just waiting for his head to start spinning in circles. One second he can be adorable, sweet, and affectionate....


And then the next second he can be screaming, throwing things, running away from me, hitting, and completely disregarding every command I give him.

It would be adorable- if it weren't a total nightmare. He's even gotten into the phase where he doesn't want to share. He'll try to snatch things out of other kids' hands. This is SO annoying, and I don't know what to do about it, except pretend that he doesn't belong to me. Hopefully we can beat it out of him. Or maybe waterboarding will work, like it does on the terrorists.

Cirque du SEWE

I know everyone has this blog on an RSS feed, so I'm sorry it's taken me so long to update it for you. It seems like so much has gone on in the last few days or weeks. I can't even remember the last time I posted!
The boys and I headed up to Charleston this past weekend for SEWE, which stands for Southeastern Wildlife Exposition and is pronounced See-Wee. When we arrived on Friday evening, Squeege's godfather Chad babysat the boys with his girlfriend Jen so that Mark and I could have a nice dinner and an adult conversation. It was awesome, and we definitely need to do it more often.
However, the next morning was an interesting one. We arrived at Marion Square in Downtown Charleston, and we were immediately bombarded with camouflage pants, dogs, and....camels? My only question is...

...since when do we have camels in the Southeast? Am I missing something? Is there just a large camel population that has been largely unnoticed, and that is why SEWE is trying to "expose" us to them by offering $5 camel rides inside downtown Charleston? Thank God someone has finally brought the truth to us. I've lived here my whole life without even knowing that camels were running around, starting little camel families, and then getting hit by cars, just like deer.

After checking out the indigenous Low Country Camel (binomial nomenclature: camelus redneckus, thanks Erin), Squeege went to the falconry exhibit, where he met this dude:

A trained killer, this falcon can pluck your eyes out with one of his razor-sharp claws. Despite this fact, Squeege walks right up to it, and in the meekest, sweetest little voice says, "Tweet-tweet." I think the falcon must have spoken a different dialect, because despite Squeege's multiple attempts to communicate with the bird, he was rebuffed.

Onto the next, at this veritable smorgasbord of animal delights. We visited the Serpentarium, which held many local snakes, including this fella:

Doesn't he look sweet & harmless? Apparently all of the little chitlins thought so, because they all fearlessly petted him and tried to pick him up. Squeege even punched him, which I thought was a good sign...of insanity.

After all of this fun, we started with a little potty break...


And then took a real break. Jen and Chad were cracking Garrett up. So cute.

And then, we needed a little refreshment, so we headed to Virginia's, which is a cool little Southern restaurant right beside Marion Square. I then decided to ask my husband if I could pierce my nose, which is something that I've wanted to do for a while, but never thought he would go for it. Surprisingly, he had no problem with it, so we went to Factor Five, and I got my schnoz stapled. Super-painful (and I've had a tattoo, my bellybutton pierced three times, my ears pierced twice, and my tongue pierced- that one was on a dare and I took it out the same day I got it done, but it was totally painless, surprisingly) but I really like it! Almost immediately after that we had to head back to Bluffton so I could go to work. It was a quick, but super-fun trip. Charleston is always a blast!

To view more photos from this weekend, click here.

I get poop, Mark gets D.L.

So, while I'm cleaning up the worst poop disaster in the world, my husband is schmoozing with D.L. Hughley in a hotel lobby bar in L.A. The scales of justice are, once again, tipped in his favor. Now that Mark & D.L. are BFFs, my hubby had D.L. call me and leave me a message- sweet!

BREAKING NEWS

ALERT

MY HUSBAND HAS BEEN SELECTED TO FLY OUT TO L.A. ON MONDAY TO HAVE HIS FINAL INTERVIEW WITH THE CROWNE PLAZA BIGWIGS FOR THEIR PHIL MICKELSON AD CAMPAIGN AND THE "MEETING WITH PHIL" DINNER!!

Newman

Grandma Niecy, who usually takes care of the kids for a few hours on Wednesday, has renamed Garrett to Newman, because, in her opinion (and everyone else's), Garrett really is a New Man (get it?). He is such a happy, sweet baby, and I owe it all to Zantac and Nutramigen.

Let's pretend for a second that Zantac is President Bush. And Garrett's reflux and colic (or whatever beastly demon that had overtaken his soul) was Saddam Hussein. And it's right after 9/11. Mission Accomplished.

Here's Newman celebrating his liberation from the oppressive tyrant:

Totally Brill

Is anyone else as excited as I am about this?

My husband, Phil Mickelson

The following video is my husband, doing his best impression of Phil Mickelson. We entered him in a contest that is sponsored by the Crowne Plaza Resort. The winners get to have dinner with Phil himself. We entered Mark into the "I look like Phil" category. There were other categories, such as "I got hit by one of Phil's golf balls" or "I'm Phil's biggest fan." Hopefully Mark is in the running- I'm almost as excited about meeting Phil as he is!

Update- we just received an email from the Crowne Plaza bigwigs that he's moved onto the next round of elimination! Keep your fingers crossed!

Super Bowl Sunday

I love my husband. He is the sweetest, funniest, most thoughtful man I've ever met. Case in point: We had a couple guy friends in town, and the boys planned to go out on Saturday night. Mark offered to watch the kids on Sunday so I could have a break. But after coming in at 5am, this is the condition he was in at 10:30am:

Needless to say, my day off has been postponed. We still had a nice time with our buds. We had a long lunch at Black Marlin on the Island, and then we went to Grandma Niecy and Choppy's for the big game.

Here's the boys. Squeege is a man's man, so he was checking out the game. Gare-bear was looking at his momma. Pretty soon he'll be as uninterested in me as Squeege is.

This is Mark and his best friend, Chad, who is also Squeege's godfather. It's always so much fun whenever the GF comes in town. We had a blast with the boys this weekend.

My buds. Chillin' out, drinkin' some beers, havin' some laughs. Just like the show Cheers. I guess. That was a little before my time, but I think I have the right idea.

Too bad those dumb Giants won. I wasn't expecting that at all. I thought Mark was lying to me whenever he told me the Pats lost. I had already taken the Bear home to go to bed, so I guess I didn't have that much invested in the game. But nonetheless, as the wife of a New Englander, I have to at least feign disappointment at the idea of a perfect season ruined by those dumb Yankees. Again. The following image perfectly depicts my emotions about Yankees:

Circuses Are Evil

I have several reasons for thinking that circuses are evil. First of all, they turn a sweet, happy little boy....
...into a blur. A crazy, clown-on-crack blur.

Another reason circuses are evil: since when does cotton candy cost $10 a bag? Yes, it's fluffy & delicious. No, it's not made out of plutonium. So therefore, it should be 50 cents. With a coupon for a free dental cleaning.

Third & final reason circuses are evil: an elephant was not made to twirl around on his back legs while a scantily-clad woman throws herself around on top of him. Beautiful white tigers were not made to have a dominatrix order them around & spin on top of a disco ball.

Redeeming factor: the little Frenchman who pedaled around on his Hot Wheels-sized bicycle through the ring of fire was hilarious.

So anyway, I'm acting like a Debbie Downer, but another reason that circuses are bad is because they are held in the most germ-infested places in the world. The Savannah Civic Center was a disgusting pit of gunk, funk, & junk. And on more than one occasion Squeege decided he wanted to lick the railing. When we got home I threw him in the bathtub & scrubbed him down with Clorox. I burned his clothes. And Lysol-ed his tongue.

Nonetheless, we had a great time. We had lunch at City Market, where there were a ton of people. I actually like Savannah during the daytime. I can't wait to get back over there and spend some time on Broughton Street. We hung around with my grandparents and my aunt and uncle, who live in the Savannah area. All in all, it was a great day. But I vote to burn down the Civic Center. I might start a petition. Who's in?

What happens at Meme's, stays at Meme's

So it's true. It's all fun, games, and sugar at the grandparent's house. The jig is up- we now know why they prefer to hang with Meme instead of me.

Squeege's Facemelter Video

This took place a while ago, but I'm finally getting live footage of it from Meme's video camera. It's hilarious and adorable, and it quite possibly could be a glimpse into Squeege's future.