What do you do all day?

I love that question, especially when posed by people who don't have children. Do you really think I sit at home all day, watching soap operas and eating bon-bons? Well, you're right. But in between all of that, here's a typical day, starting at 12AM:
12:30AM- finally fall into bed after completing various tasks that cannot be done while the children are awake
3:30AM- wake up & feed a squirming, hungry newborn, desperately trying to keep my eyes open while doing so
6:30AM-wake up & feed a squirming, hungry newborn again, check the weather & catch up on Fox News in the process
7:00AM-try to grab a few more winks before Squeege comes barreling down the stairs
7:01AM-Squeege comes barreling down the stairs
7:05AM-make breakfast while holding a wide-awake infant & listening to a rambunctious toddler demand Lucky Charms instead of the Kix cereal I just fixed him. And he wants his orange juice in a different cup. Without the lid. Now.
7:30AM-put The Fairly Oddparents on TV during breakfast so I can start getting diaper bags & backpacks ready for the day
8:00AM-throw Evan in the bathtub & Garrett in his swing so I can try to freshen up before our day begins
8:05AM-both boys are screaming, bored, & unable to handle the fact that they don't have my complete & undivided attention
8:30AM-chase down Squeege and wrestle him into his clothes and shoes
8:35AM-put an outfit on Garrett. He barfs on it. Put another outfit on him.
8:40AM-try to bribe Squeege into letting me brush his hair and teeth, because he's starting to look like Albert Einstein with dragon breath. Eventually have to pin him down on the ground & take an elbow to the chin to get his grill relatively clean.
8:45AM-boys are still screaming as I finally manage to squeeze into a pair of pants that I can zip up all the way without looking like an exploded Pillsbury Crescent Roll canister
8:50AM-We're on our way out the door when Squeege decides he wants to empty his orange juice on the (formerly) white carpet. I'm tempted to leave it there, but instead throw a towel on top of it, soak up the majority of it, and then head out the door.
....shoot, I forgot something. Run inside, grab the bottle, and come back out.
....shoot, I forgot something again. Run inside, grab the cell phone, and come back out.
....shoot, I forgot to shut the front door. Get out of the car, shut the door, and come back out.
8:55AM-load the kids into the car, both of them still screaming bloody murder
9:00AM-head to (insert various children's activities here), midway realizing I forgot something else.
9:15-11:15AM-say the word NO an incomprehensible amount of times, and then give up on even trying because Squeege is completely ignoring me anyway
11:30AM-carry about 60 lbs. worth of diaper bags, backpacks, and assorted materials back to the car after said activity
11:40AM-finally get arsenal and children loaded into car; one screaming because he's hungry, the other screaming because he didn't want to leave
12:00PM-meet Meme for lunch and let her do the disciplining for the hour
1:00PM-run assorted errands while Squeege is in the backseat reminding me to stop at all the stop signs and use my blinker. When he's not correcting my driving, he's screaming at me to turn the radio up louder, and demanding to listen to Bill O'Reilly.
2:30PM-get home just in time to feed a screaming newborn & watch Spongebob. Again.
3:00PM-try to fold a load of laundry while Garrett naps and Evan plays in the backyard.
3:05PM-Evan decides he wants to dig to China and finds a 6-inch centipede. Screams bloody murder & demands comfort after seeing "a monster."
3:10PM-crisis averted, back to the laundry.
3:20PM-wipe the sweat off my brow & start tackling the dishes.
3:25PM-Squeege demands to watch Cars & have a snack. I acquiesce so that I can finish the kitchen.
3:30PM-Squeege demands a different movie & a different snack. I don't acquiesce, and I get a tantrum instead.
3:31PM-Garrett is awakened from his slumber by the gentle sounds of his big brother, who has wiped the "tears" from his eyes and wants to dive off the back of the couch into the "bushes." The kitchen will have to wait.
4:00PM-begin wondering when Mark's going to be home so that I can finally shower for the day. It's party time for both boys- Squeege has pulled out every single one of his toys from the toy box, and Garrett refuses to be anywhere but right in my arms.
6:00PM-Mark finally gets home to see me, covered in spit up and orange juice, hair completely out of control, makeup melted off, immobilized on the couch while my eldest child karate chops me. I don't try to defend myself.
6:30PM-Mark thankfully makes dinner with his little angel child, who suddenly can't wait to help out in the kitchen with his Daddy.
6:45PM-Mark asks me to help him clean up the kitchen with that look like, "Why couldn't you have done this earlier?" I give him the look like, "Don't mess with me, or I'll put Nair in your shampoo."
7:00PM-dinner time. Squeege doesn't want to sit in his seat, Garrett doesn't want to hang out in his swing. Mark has to cut my food for me because I only have one hand free while I'm holding Garrett.
7:02PM-Squeege insists that he's done with dinner and that he needs to get back to "work"- more disasters await him.
7:30PM-I offer to clean the kitchen so I can have a moment's peace while Mark watches the kids.
7:45PM-feed Garrett, change diapers, put on pajamas, start the bedtime battle
8:00PM-take Squeege upstairs for a bedtime story & some snuggles
8:05PM-I can hear Garrett screaming downstairs with his father as I read "Cars" for the 4 millionth time. I start to sweat.
8:30PM-We finish our story, say our prayers, and then Squeege says, "Good night, Mommy. I love you. Can I have a smooch?" And that makes the whole day worth it.
9:00PM-Garrett and Mark fall asleep together in bed, and they look so much like each other in their matching diapers and drool spots. That makes the chaos worth it, too.
9:15PM-I go into the living room and mess around with email and the internet for a while. I already miss my babies, and I can't wait for the day to start again.